How the First Task SHOULD have been done...
by Apyros
Summary: Harry borrows a few moves from Bruce Lee, or something of the like. He kickes the dragon's butt in a fun way :) JUST READ IT! Pleeeease?


How the First Task should have been handled…

You guys, this is seriously PG-13, it's violent and stupid and immature…just to warn you J.It's supposed to be funny (I can't tell if it is or not) and Harry is extremely not like himself.And don't even _ask _where Harry learned to swordfight and stuff. I spelled "McGonagall" wrong, I just know it…sorry about that…This story is the product of too much caffeine and no sleep.

Written by: Rory Walton

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~~How the First Task _should_ have been handled….Matrix Style?~~

Harry stepped out from the tent.The tent must have had a magical silencer on it, because 1/8 in. of canvas couldn't possibly have blocked out the painfully-loud growl that came from the stadium.Harry gulped, pushed his glasses back up on his sweaty nose, and started walking towards possible death.He rounded a bend on the dirt path, entering a clearing from the trees.Before him stood the giant dragon.Harry almost fainted.How could fifteen foot trees hide a more than two-hundred foot dragon?

But Harry knew in his heart what to do.He had learned his summoning spell well.Poor Hermione didn't know his _real_ reason for that spell though…Harry smiled to himself and started laughing (almost insanely).The crowed started to give each other questioning looks.Harry is going insane already? He's only 14…

Harry stepped forward (striding, almost) so that he came within ten feet of the dragon's fireball range.

"Accio Samurai! Accio cloak!" He shouted, holding both hands out.He waited patiently for a minute.Soon enough, Harry's cloak came floating over the forest and into Harry's awaiting arms.The 'samurai' or whatever Harry had just said didn't seem to come, but he looked to be unconcerned by this fact. Hermione and Ron just looked at each other in horror.What the _hell_ was he going to do with his black _cloak!?!?_ A school uniform one at that?They had both seen Harry sewing up his cloak time to time, but had both thought it was just because Harry had ripped a whole in it or something.Harry did have a small obsession with wearing his cloak, but since it was almost always cold, they didn't really think it was odd.After all, Harry had never worn a magical cloak (until he went to Hogwarts), and seemed to love how they had magical pockets that held about 200cm3in each side, and many other nifty straps and buckles.They watched as harry paced around the perimeter of the dragon's reach.His clothes now jiggled (with a sound similar to the "coins-in-your-pocket-when-you-walk" sound, except slightly different) each time he stepped."Hey wait… is that _black leather_ he's wearing?!?" Hermione asked Ron.Ron's eyes grew wide and he slowly nodded.Hermione watched as Ron's face turned green.She, on the other hand, thought that Harry looked extremely _good_ wearing tight leather, unlike when stupid Draco tried.I mean, if you have nothing to show off, why try?She shook her head to get that nasty picture of Draco-in-tight-leather out of her brain.Besides, Harry looked like he was about to do something.

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Harry reached into his cloak, crossing his arms as he did so, and (with a metallic "shiiing" that rang like a pure angel's bell through the silence) quickly pulled out two sabers – one in each hand.He weaved them through the air, warming up his arms and hands and preparing to fight. 

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"Ok, _WHY _does Harry have knives?He's not supposed to hurt the dragon!Is he a wizard or not?Where the hell is his wand? What kind stupid little man _is_ he?" Hermione shouted.Then she turned to Ron as he was about to answer."Don't answer that! It was a rhetorical question!"She snapped.Ron turned back to watching Harry, astonished at hearing Hermione talk like that.Better keep out of it he wanted to propose to her some day… She was one to keep grudges some times.He could just see a 30-year-old Hermione (uncharacteristically, of course) throwing a chair across a room because she broke a nail opening a beer bottle.He broke out in a fit of giggles.Hermione just glared at him out of the corner of her eye.

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Harry twirled the blades in his hands and then flipped them so that they were upside-down with the sharp edge facing outward.He rushed the dragon, running at full speed toward the eggs.The dragon, having watched Harry's whole macho "pacing" thing, was completely ready.It blew a huge flame, right at Harry.Unfortunately for poor Robert (_Dragons have names too, you know!)_ Harry wasn't there.He had done what looked like and expert roll in the middle of his charge.It almost looked like he tripped, but he had rolled sideways and had tucked his elbows in and pointed his knives out in what only could have been a practiced move.He was on his feet again, quicker than a cheetah* ( *an old cheetah, that is,having only 3 legs and with severe arthritis and inflamed joint-pain.Oh, and with a fifty pound weight on top of it).Anyways, he was up again, knives back like before (like a serpents' closed fangs? I really need a comparison here…) and with an ugly layer of dust on his black cloak. 

Harry brushed off some of the dust from his shoulder, giving the dragon an icy stare._How dare he try to kill ME, Harry! The nerve…_Harry ran again, sweeping from side to side to make a harder target, slowly gaining the distance on his way to the eggs.The dragon roared at Harry escape, and swished it's spiked tail in Harry's direction.Harry just ducked and held his blades up.The Hungarian Horntail screamed it's reptilian scream and thrashed in anguish._How dare this little boy hurt ME!The nerve…_Harry dashed closer to the eggs, his cloak flapping in the wind caused by his haste.He wiped the dragon's blood from his eyes and face as he ran.A shadow appeared above Harry, blocking out the sun, making him stop running.Suddenly the dragon's teeth came down –about to clamp on Harry's head.He made a split second decision to stick his sabers strait up.But instead of stabbing out the dragon's eyes or some amazing, heroic, win-the-battle-right-before-your-about-to-die thing, Harry's now pathetically small blades were crushed in the dragon's massive jaw.They caused no more that slight indigestion (later, of course) to Robert the dragon.But it was enough time for Harry to dodge the monster's bite.However, he now had a deep cut over his eyebrow from a ricocheting piece of his saber.Blood once again dripped down his face (the crowed "ooo"-ed and "aaah"-ed when they saw his cut) except this time it was his own (blood).He felt his wound and realized how it would heal to make a different scar (uglier, of course) on his face.Now no one would recognize him!Stupid dragon!He'd probably break out in pimples all over his face too because of the dragon's blood earlier.Now he was really pissed!

His eyes visibly narrowed and he assumed an aggressive stance.He flipped back the sides of his cloak to reveal a short sword in a sheath on his left thigh.He waited for the dragon to advance.Robert didn't need to take his time.He stomped towards Harry and released a large fireball while running.Harry had forgotten about fireballs…but it's all the same.He grabbed for the sword with his right hand and then jumped in the air, twisting about (his cape/robe twirling behind him and making an audible "swoosh" sound) to face the dragon better.Time seemed to slow as he turned.He whispered an incantation as he brought his sword up, still flying through the air.The hilt glowed with a blue luminescence as soon as Harry landed, soon spreading to the blade and to Harry's hands.Harry kept his head bowed, eyes closed, feet apart, and continued his chanting.The fireball hit, with the crowd at the edge of their seats and Harry standing still with the sword in front of him.The blue glow formed a bulge of light around Harry, shielding him from the flame.The fireball passed by and around him in a matter of seconds, the blue glow disappearing as the flame retreated.Harry looked up and opened his eyes._Hey! He was still alive! Cool…_He looked down at his sword, now burnt to a crisp and glowing red-hot.His hands were burnt and blistered, his face and clothes covered in ash, and his hair smoldered.He smiled.Robert just stared in amazement.Then his dragon senses took over and he realized something:_Oh crap.That was supposed to kill him, wasn't it?_ The dragon watched as Harry tossed aside his sword (making a dill 'thud' as it hit the ground and slid in the dust a few feet).Harry was breathing hard and the dragon could almost _see_ fire in Harry's eyes._This is definitely NOT good…_

Harry stood up strait, facing the dragon.He unhooked the clips that were holding on his robe and flung it aside.The crown gasped.Prof. McGonagall (spelling on that?)couldn't help but shout, "Now this is enough!" But she didn't dare run out there and tell Harry and the dragon that.Hermione silently checked if what Harry had was illegal to carry on Hogwarts property.Yep, it was.But so was everything else he had used, too.Harry reached both hands over his head and behind his back.He threw his shoulder forward and used the momentum to pull out a 5 ½ foot broadsword from his back.It was obvious Harry had put a lightening spell on it, or his thin frame couldn't possible have held it, but it was still heavy.Harry started running, at first pointing the sword behind him and to his left side (holding it with both hands), and gradually brought it up in an arc from behind his back to over his head and right shoulder. He was then the target of another fireball assault by Robert, but was ready for it when the first one came.He had already been charging up his blue glow shield. He continued the arc, twisting his upper half to the right and swinging the sword horozontaly at the fireball, like he was playing baseball.He went with the momentum (not being able to stop it except in a way that would cause extreme bodily harm) and continued to swing the sword around circles over his head and hitting the next three fireballs (oh, and spinning & jumping around like in all those karate movies).After the final hit, he forced the momentum to move the sword up vertically, stopping it's swirling and enabling him to twist his wrist in a small circle, make the point curve over his head-- and back into it's sheath.He charged like a bull then, strait at the dragon.When about ten feet from Robert's leg, Harry did a flip in the air, reaching down into his boot and retrieving his throwing blades.He landed with a puff of dust, twisting his ankle in the process (hey, he's not perfect!).He stumbled into a heap, smashing uncomfortably into the ground hard and scraping his forearm on a few rocks (getting dirt and pebbles imbedded in his skin).Robert smiled his scaly smile.He might win after all!

Harry hid the throwing knife under his stomach and he lay on the ground (he had dropped his second one when he tripped).Hopefuly Robert liked live meat, not charred stuff.Yup, here his big ugly head came.

"Hey, Mr. Dragon."Harry said.You couldn't exactly be quite as macho when there was this huge, fire-breathing thing right next to you. Robert smiled and did what you could only guess was laugh._Lunchtime…._Harry looked up at the dragon.Almost…almost…Yes!He rolled to his right, just as the dragon took a big chomp (missing Harry by millimeters). Anyways, Harry rolled to his right and on to his back, holding up the throwing blade in his hand."This is for messing up my face!" Harry yelled.He twisted his shoulders back and hurled the knife at Robert.The crowd gasped and the shinning blade when strait for Robert (who was _still_ laughing).Ron even fell out of his seat, but never took his eyes off of it.Robert opened his eyes just as the blade hit him… in the eye.He keeled over (in shock?)and fell fight onto the pile of eggs.Harry just laid there stunned. Ooops… did _he _do that? Hehe.He looked around the audience, stood up and took a little bow. Hehe, he sure showed them…

Prof. McGonagall (is that _still _spelled wrong?)Came charging up behind Harry."_Killing_ the dragon?Squshing _all_ the eggs?And _BRINGING ILLEGAL WEOPONS TO SCHOOL!_ Detention mister Potter! And your lucky if we don't throw you out! Why I never…And don't give me that look! Just because _he _was trying to kill _you_, doesn't mean that _you_ can kill _him_!" She now had him by the ear.

"Ow! Owwie!Ack, stop!"

"You'll be scrubbing trophies for _years_…"

"But…But I… I won the tour-"

"Do…. You… Think… I… CARE?" 

So poor Harry had to forever clean trophies and teach all his little groupie followers how to do cool martial art moves.Hehe, some ending huh?I probably could have done better, but…eh, too much time had been used already. 

"Too…much…caffeine…..Ack!"

Love, Peace and Chocolate Chips!


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